Three hookers are comparing notes about their customers from the night before.
"I entertained a cowboy last night", says the first.
"How did you know he was a cowboy?" asks the second.
"Well, he wore a cowboy hat, cowboy boots, and kept both the hat and the boots
on all the time we were together."
"Sounds like a cowboy, all right." the others say.
"I entertained a lawyer," announces the second. "I could tell because he wore a
three piece suit and packed a briefcase. He wore the vest of the suit and hung on
to the briefcase all the time."
They agree he sounded like a lawyer.
"I had a farmer for a client," comments the third.
"How could you possibly know he was a farmer?" she is asked.
"Well first he complained it was too dry, then he whined it was too wet, then he
asked if he could pay me in the fall."
"What Happens Here, Stays Here" is getting old, so a contest is being held for
new slogans. Here are the leading contenders:
1. Las Vegas: Better than Detroit (Actually, this works for any city.)
2. It's The Gambling, Stupid
3. You're Broke, Hung Over and Pissed. Now Go Home
4. Where Luck Goes to Die
5. More Than Thirty Million Schmucks a Year Can't Be Wrong
6. We've Got What It Takes To Take What You've Got
One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who ran up to
him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about
one of your students?"
"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me I'd like you to
pass a little test. It's called the Test of Three."
"Three?"
"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my
student let's take a moment to test what you're going to say. The
first test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are
about to tell me is true?"
"Oh no," the man said, "actually I just heard about it."
"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or
not. Now let's try the second test, the test of Goodness. Is what you
are about to tell me about my student something good?"
"No, on the contrary..."
"So," Socrates interrupted, "you want to tell me something bad about
him even though you're not certain it's true?"
The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.
Socrates continued. "You may still pass though, because there is a
third test - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me
about my student going to be useful to me?"
"Well it....no, not really..."
"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither
True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?"
The man was defeated and ashamed. This is the reason Socrates was a
great philosopher and held in such high esteem.
It also explains why he never found out that Plato was having an affair
with his wife.
Little Johnny comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help.
"Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?"
His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, "I'll display it to you. Go ask your mother
if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then go ask you sister if she
would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then come back and tell me what you have learned."
Little Johnny is puzzled but decides to see if he can figure out what his father means. He asks his mother, "Mom, if someone would give you a million dollars, would you sleep with Robert Redford?"
His mother looks around shyly, and then with a little smile on her face says, "Don't tell your
father, but yes, I would."
Then he goes to his sister's room and asks her, "Sis, if someone gave you a million dollars, would
you sleep with Brad Pitt?"
His sister looks up and says, "Omigod! Definitely!"
Little Johnny goes back to his father who asks, "Well, what did you learn?"
Little Johnny says, "Dad, I think I've figured it out. POTENTIALLY, we're sitting on two million
bucks, but in REALITY, we're living with a couple of whores."
When asked by their host if she would like another drink, the attractive blonde bowed her
head slightly and said, "No thank you. My husband limits me to one drink."
"Why is that," the host asked?
Her reply... "Because after one drink I can feel it; after two drinks ...anyone can!"
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